


i wish i had the courage to tell you (what i really dream of)

by clawsnbeak



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: (ronan is allowed okay), Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Bottom Ronan Lynch, Choking, Dream Sex, Getting Together, M/M, Ronan Lynch Has No Chill, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Ronan Lynch's Hand Kink, Smut, Top Adam Parrish, listen ronan deserves to have some good dream sex okay, sex against the bmw, the server made me do it, this was self indulgent as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27105778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clawsnbeak/pseuds/clawsnbeak
Summary: “You’re not real.”It was whispered into the space between them but still too loud to his own ears.“Does it matter?”It didn’t, it never had. Because here Ronan was, staring at Adam Parrish, his version of him at least. He had dreamt him leaning against the BMW, his coveralls tied around his waist similar to the way the real Adam wore them but these hung a little lower, enough for Ronan to see a strip of bare, freckled skin. His white t-shirt was covered in grease stains and too tight like the real one was too but this time Ronan allowed himself to look.“It doesn’t.”.Or: Ronan has dream sex with Adam and takes something back from his dreams that is going to be a little difficult to hide.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 9
Kudos: 271





	i wish i had the courage to tell you (what i really dream of)

**Author's Note:**

> waddup all this is self-indulgent dream sex with pynch getting together
> 
> idk whether to say im sorry or you're welcome
> 
> in any case, i wrote this in a span of like 2 hours and yk what im proud of it
> 
> enjoy!

“You’re not real.”

It was whispered into the space between them but still too loud to his own ears.

“Does it matter?”

It didn’t, it never had. Because here Ronan was, staring at Adam Parrish, his version of him at least. He had dreamt him leaning against the BMW, his coveralls tied around his waist similar to the way the real Adam wore them but these hung a little lower, enough for Ronan to see a strip of bare, freckled skin. His white t-shirt was covered in grease stains and too tight like the real one was too but this time Ronan allowed himself to look. 

“It doesn’t.”

His voice was hoarse and it made Adam smirk. Ronan nearly sunk to his knees right then and there, his legs jelly as he walked closer. He wished he was one of those suave types who could counter back with something that would sweep Adam off his feet but Adam didn’t seem to mind too much as his hands tangled in the lapels of Ronan’s leather jacket, pulling him forward.

“That’s what I thought.”

And then Adam’s lips were on his own and it was familiar. Ronan briefly froze, reprimanding himself for letting himself dream this again. 

It hadn’t been the first time he kissed Adam in his dreams and it wouldn’t be the last time either. He felt guilty all the same, wondering what Adam would say if he knew but he quickly shook that off in lieu of tangling his hand in Adam’s hair and pulling his head backward to deepen the kiss, tangling their tongues together in a way that had Adam moaning and for a second he had the upper hand. 

Adam would never know.

Ronan didn’t  _ want  _ him to know that Adam had him easily turned around, pressing him up against the BMW which made everything unfairly hotter. He didn’t want the real Adam to realise that he could have him stripping down with just one glance, which was exactly what he did right now, shivering when Adam rewarded him with a hard bite to his neck, his hands leaving grease stains on his hips as he was pressed harder against the cool metal of the car.

“Off,” Ronan groaned and tugged at Adam’s shirt impatiently. He smiled at the bright laugh Adam let out when Ronan managed to rip it off, the sound so close to his real laugh that Ronan could briefly imagine this was real.

“You’re beautiful,” Ronan said, letting his hands glide down Adam’s toned chest, feeling the muscles jump underneath his palms. He couldn’t say it out loud but he could utter it in the safety of his own head, let his tone be genuine and awed instead of harsh and biting.

He wondered what Adam really looked like with his shirt off.

“Don’t think about him,” the dream version said with a hand cradling Ronan’s cheek to bring his head up, forcing Ronan to look him in the eyes. “You’re with me now.”

Dream Adam said it as if he was a different entity entirely and maybe he was. Maybe the real Adam wouldn’t leave grease stains in the shape of his handprint on Ronan’s side as he was pulled in again, on the back of his neck, hiding part of his tattoo to kiss him hard before turning him around so dream Adam could press against his back. 

“What do you want?” Adam asked in between sucking marks into the skin of Ronan’s neck. He could barely think anymore, just tilt his head to the side, urging Adam on.

“Well?” Adam asked again and stopped. Ronan could feel the smirk brushing against his skin when he whined.

“You.”

It wasn’t true and it wasn’t a lie. Ronan liked to dance on the line between them, testing each of its limits. He let himself be only half-known, the other half a secret tucked away in the darkest part of his head and he wasn’t there right now.

Dream Adam knew it wasn’t the whole truth as well. Ronan wanted Adam but the  _ right _ Adam. Nevertheless, dream Adam continued as if he needed to hear the half-truth for himself to keep going.

“Lube?” Adam asked then and Ronan conjured some after a second of eying the motor oil now staining his car. From the grip on his hips, he could tell Adam knew exactly what he had been thinking.

With one hand on Ronan’s back, he was pushed all the way forward until his torso hit the car, leaving him sprawled over the hood of the BMW, their reflections faintly visible in the windshield. 

Despite it being a dream, Adam was still careful with opening him up, though Ronan suspected it had more to do with Adam wanting to tease him, draw it out to leave him begging for it. 

They both knew he would at some point, this wasn’t the first time they had done  _ this  _ before.

“I’m ready,” Ronan gritted out and ground his hips back, groaning in part annoyance, part desperation, as Adam’s fingers pulled back too. 

“You’re not,” Adam said simply and continued, pumping his fingers in and out of him, stretching him until he was panting, his body trembling, his erection leaking onto the car. He couldn’t decide if he hated what it did to the usually pristine paint or if he loved how hot it was to see the evidence of his pleasure on the car, the second most thrilling thing he had ever ridden.

Ronan finally begged for it then and  _ finally,  _ Adam pulled his fingers out to lube himself up. “Now you’re ready,” he heard Adam say, the self-satisfied smirk evident even in his voice.

“You fucker,” Ronan replied and Adam let out a hoarse laugh Ronan still heard long after he had stopped.

Adam finally slid inside of him and Ronan’s back arched, his moan echoing through the garage. He let his arm reach back, tangling in the soft waves of Adam’s hair to tug on it, willing him to move but within seconds Adam had his hands wrapped around Ronan’s wrists and he was pressed back against the hood, unable to move.

He wondered if it had been his own imagination to come up with this or if it had just been dream Adam itself who saw it fit to have control over him despite it being Ronan’s dream. Either way, it was probably the hottest thing that had ever happened to him and there was no way he was going to stop him.

Adam gave him time to adjust before starting to move, the sounds he let out thought up by Ronan, having spent hours imagining what Adam, the real Adam, would sound like during sex and perfected it in his own dreams. It was shameful, it was  _ sinful _ , but there was no way of stopping it once he had begun and he thanked past him for imagining it now as every moan Adam let out, lit up his entire body with liquid fire.

Ronan lost track of time then, not knowing how long it’s been since they started, how long Adam had been thrusting into him, his rhythm picking up every once in a while. 

He had been so close for so long and he needed more.

And just like that, Adam released one of his hands to wrap around Ronan’s neck, not pressing just that. “Is that really what you want?” he asked, his voice soft this time. 

“Yes,” Ronan gasped back and lifted his own hand to make Adam press against his neck harder, their finger tangling together. 

Ronan came only minutes later with Adam’s hand wrapped around his neck, Ronan’s grease-stained fingers tangling with Adam’s freckled ones, the other hand wrapped around his cock, moving in time with his thrusts while Ronan had found his way back to Adam’s hair, pulling hard.

He wished this would last forever but dreams never could. There was a certain point when the edges started to get a bit hazy and Ronan couldn’t feel the warmed up metal under his palms again, the last few thrusts of Adam nothing but a last touch. A goodbye, a reminder that this was going to happen again.

Ronan woke up as he always did, completely frozen from the dream, looking down onto his body from above. Sometimes he brought back a hickey or a piece of clothing he hid in his messy dresser. This time, as he looked down, he could see inky handprints and smears all over his body, knowing more was hidden under his sweat pants and shirt.

He would have to face Adam today, Gansey’s stupid pursuit for Glendower forcing him and Adam to go along on the weekends and today happened to be Adam’s day off which meant Ronan was going to have to drive over to St. Agnes,  _ a church  _ of all places and face Adam, the image of Adam holding him down, fucking into him still on repeat before his eyes.

He rushed to the bathroom and spent an hour trying to scrub the stains off of him but he had known it was fruitless before he started, these marks were meant to last for longer.

Ronan dressed himself in the most concealing clothes he could, instead, praying his leather jacket wouldn’t betray him by revealing the stains around his wrists that looked too much like a handprint for his comfort. 

The one thing he couldn’t conceal was the stain around his neck and it was the first thing Adam had honed in on the moment he walked into the small apartment above the church, nearly dropping the glass he had been holding.

Ronan wanted to lie, tell him it was a bruise, or Noah had fucked with him by drawing on him (again) with a permanent marker, but Ronan Lynch didn’t lie so he stayed silent and fixed Adam with a glare.

Adam who was too real in front of him, every freckle correctly placed on his face, his golden-brown eyes the exact colour it always was and Ronan could never quite get right.

“Had fun last night?” Adam asked and  _ of course _ the fucker knew. To anyone else, it would’ve just looked like a random stain but Adam Parrish was perceptive and it would be Ronan’s demise now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ronan said and watched as Adam stepped forward, his feet glued to the floor. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to run or stay but it seemed like his body left him no other choice but to let Adam step forward until their chests were almost touching.

“Liar,” Adam whispered back, his eyes amused as he brought his hand up and fit it around Ronan’s neck perfectly, a whisper of a touch but it made Ronan’s body tingle like nothing else had before.

“How long?” Adam asked then and his expression turned complicated. His eyes somewhere between hopeful and disbelieving. 

Ronan shrugged and Adam stepped away. That had been the familiar dance between them, the one stepped forward, the other back, a never-ending tango that was Ronan’s duty to break. 

“Too long,” he said, his hand reaching out, before letting it fall helplessly between them when Adam didn’t take it but instead continued to stare at him, his mind working overtime. Ronan knew that look like no other.

“And you figured that fucking in a dreamt up Boyd’s would help?” Adam asked, laughter in his voice now but it wasn’t vicious and Ronan finally let himself relax a little.

“In my defense, you were wearing those mechanic coveralls.”

“And that’s doing it for you?” Adam smirked, fitting his hand around the stains on Ronan’s wrist then where his jacket had ridden up when he had reached out for him. He brushed the vulnerable skin on the inside with his calloused thumb and watched as Ronan shivered. “I’ll remember that.”

“For what?” Ronan asked and this was the moment that could change their friendship forever. They had carefully constructed themselves in this blanket of safety, the security that they would have a friendship with each other that would last a lifetime. 

Ronan knew the risks and he still stepped forward, not looking away from Adam. Something flashed in Adam’s eyes and he was stepping forward too as if he crossed a boundary he could never get behind again.

And then hands were pulling down Ronan’s neck, the touch more careful than the dream Adam had been but Ronan liked it better because this was  _ his  _ Adam and he was closing his eyes as Ronan got nearer, their lips nothing but a breath away from each other.

Ronan swallowed hard and leaned his forehead against Adam’s briefly. 

“ _ Please _ ,” Adam whispered and this time it was his turn to beg even though this was only known to Ronan who merely smiled and leaned down.

Kissing Adam, the real Adam, wasn’t better per se but it was more, so much more, and Ronan sunk into the kiss easily. He liked that it wasn’t familiar, that Adam moved his tongue in a different way, that he clutched Ronan’s biceps instead of the lapels of his leather jacket. It thrilled him that he could discover so much more with Adam, that he could relearn him all over again.

And he would, eventually, in more ways than one.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also follow me on [tumblr](pynches.tumblr.com)


End file.
